I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
