I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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