at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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