new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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