I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
When are your genitals available?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
