You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
