I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
