Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
