physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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