Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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