conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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