I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
