When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
This is my gift to your gina
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
