like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
