I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
