dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
