No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
