YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
