I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I could make wine with my vomit
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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