I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Is this like a preordered booty call?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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