he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
