You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
