Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
