Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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