Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
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Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
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Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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