This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
