I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
