I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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