Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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