First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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