Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Panties = found
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
