Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
