Having a random hookup so left but love u
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
