You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.