everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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