He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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