im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.