i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.