sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge