Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
