You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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