How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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