dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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