It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
