this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
