I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
