I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
