Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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