No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
