If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
