Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
