Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
