We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
