You made me cry and you don't even care
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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