I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
