I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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