I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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