Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
we're so committed to being not committed
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
