this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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