i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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