Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize