so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
