dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
