Whod you bang
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i love accidental penises.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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