I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
