what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
