Heybabeimwearingurpanties
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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