it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
