Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Randomize
