Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
