Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
