I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
