watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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