There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
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