I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
