My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
MIDGETS
????
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
