i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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